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Be good to your parents, your kids will be good to you.
[Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)]
Larger Concept of Family
Allah speaks about human beings as Banu Adam (Progeny of Adam), the Believers as an ukhuwwah (ideological fraternity) and an ummah (global community) and the Prophetic tradition refers to creation as ‘iyaal (dependants) of the Creator. All these indicate interconnectedness, interdependence and the need for interactive relationships.
It is in regard to our global human family that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
ان الله تعالى خلق خلقا لحوائج الناس
"Surely, Allah created creation to be of benefit to humanity."
If this is the emphasis on the greater human family then what about the most fundamental social structure, the biological family?
The Home
The responsibility of a human being to be the most beneficial and least problematic to society begins in the closest circle of the community, the building block of society - the family. From there it extends to relatives, neighbors, friends and the rest of society
We are commanded وَاعْبُدُواْ اللّهَ وَلاَ تُشْرِكُواْ بِهِ شَيْئًا
وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ... ...
worship none but Allah, and to be good to parents, to near and dear ones, the orphans, the poor, the neighbors... [Qur'an 4:36]
The family unit is central to society because it is where social behavior is learnt and transmitted from one generation to another - it is the unit in which personality, reputation, and character are forged. Since the family is the primary group for interaction, it follows that a person's identity and existence is strongly influenced by the family system and the accompanying family relationships. Peace and stability within the family and family relationships are the foundations of future well-being for individuals.
Do not Forget the Father
No child should be made to bear suffering because of parents. Often abusive/ neglectful husbands or fathers are the perpetrators, but there is also an increasing tendency to disregard the father, an attitude of ungratefulness; where the father is merely seen as the bread-winner and nothing beyond a means of income. Once he ceases earning for the family, he becomes the victim of neglect. Many fathers are becoming lonely and depressed due to this.
Relfect on ...
- the relationship of Prophets Ya'qub/Jacob with Yusuf/Joseph [Q 12]
- the relationship of Prophets Abraham and Ishmael [Q37:100-102]
- the exemplary attitude of Prophet Yahya/John towards his father Zakariyya
وبراً بوالديه ولم يكن جباراً عصيا
Respectful, kind and not arrogant in any way
Parents, a Liability?
Neither parent should be a victim of suffering because of their child
لاَ تُضَآرَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلاَ مَوْلُودٌ لَّهُ بِوَلَدِهِ
In recent times, a trend has arisen whereby when parents come to be seen as a liability because of old age and physical weakness. They are then sent to old age homes. The Prophet saiod; "Shame on that person!" Someone asked, "On which person, O Prophet?" The Prophet replied; "That person whose parents, one or both of them,
من أدرك أبوَيهِ عند الكِبَر ِ ، أحدَهُما أو كِليهِما ، فلم يَدخل ِ الجنة
reach old age and he still does not enter Paradise."
Appreciation of Parents
- The first in a series of commandments appearing in surah al-Israa' (17), Allah has decreed وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُواْ إِلاَّ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا that you worship none but Allah and be good to parents. It goes on to say that ....
إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا
أَوْ كِلاَهُمَا فَلاَ تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلاَ تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيمًا
We should respect them and take care of them in old age, not to be verbally abusive to them; but to speak kindly and gently to them [Q17:24]
- We are instructed to reflect on the effort that parents exert to bring us into this world and to nurture us
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ
Allah advises you regarding good treatment of parents. Your mother bore you with pain and inconvenience and nurtured you when you were helpless for at least two years.[Q 31:14]
- To express our appreciation we are advised ...
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
to be kind and merciful to them and pray for Allah to have mercy on them as they had mercy upon you when you were a baby.[Q17:24]
- To express our gratitude we are commanded ...
أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ
be thankful to Allah and your parents. To Allah is the return. [Q 46:15]
O Parents, we honor you; make sure that you are an honorable parent, ensure that you are a loving and caring parent. Find avenues to enrich your relationship with your children, foster love and communication; and everyone should reflect on the wisdom of the Prophet; Be good to your parents, your kids will be good to you.
بَرو ابائَكم....َتبرَّكم ابنائُكم
Healthy Relationships
Healthy family relationships are crucial for the development of any human being. The breaking of such relationship without justification is disapproved to the extent that the Prophet said that لا يدخل الجنة قا طع الرَّحِم the one who breaks off close relationships will not enter Paradise. In fact ...
من كان يؤمن بالله واليوم الآخرفليصل رَحِمَهُ
maintaining good relationship is an expression of faith,
The ultimate testing ground for developing relationships is found within the home. Usually, a family will mirror the same attitudes toward people outside the home as they do within. The role of family in the overall social structure of Islam is tremendous, and if we fail to grasp its importance, the whole social edifice will collapse.
Good relationships are based on people ...
o respecting each other (not insulting or humiliating each other)
o being supportive and conciliatory (rather than confrontational)
o communicating honestly and openly (not lying and deceiving)
o willing to listen to more than their own side(not stubborn/close-minded)
o working as a team (not as adversaries)
o negotiating (rather than imposing)
o sharing responsibilities (rather than burdening)
o complementing (not opposing)
o appreciating (not criticizing and blaming)
By: Br. Sadullah Khan
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