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ليس منا من لم يرحم صغيرنا و لم يعرف شرف كبيرنا
That person is not of us ... the elder who has no compassion for the young and the young who has no respect for the elder
[Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)]
The Generation Gap is a continual source of pain and confusion for every successive generation. It is often seen as the difficulties and struggles represented in the attitudes and experiences of older people and how they interpret the attitudes and behavior of young people. The generation gap occurs when
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older and younger people do not understand each other because of their different experiences, opinions, habits and behavior.
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there arises a lack of communication between one generation and another, especially between young people and their parents, brought about by differences of perspectives, tastes, outlook, ...
In the midst of all the confusion and conflict amid feelings of self-righteousness, a lot of generalizations are made and injustice is done. Older people usually assume they know everything and younger people usually assume that older people don't know /understand anything.
Prophetic Example of Bridging the Generational Gap
In the life of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), we discover the strong emphasis he placed on recognizing that a gap between generations will exist and that it must be bridged. Our beloved Prophet announced prophet-hood at the age of forty and therefore, it is well-known that a sizable majority of his companions were much younger than him. Throughout the Prophet's life, he maintained a most perfect balance between appreciating and respecting the wisdom and the lived experience of the elder companions such as Abu Bakr as-Siddiq and appreciating and respecting the dynamism and the sharp insights of the younger companions such as Ali ibn Talib, ‘Aishah, Abdullah ibn Abbas,. Among the companions were elders who had entered Islam very late in their lives and in contrast there were younger companions who had been born into Muslim households and knew only Islam as their way of life.
- 1) The beloved Prophet led by example when he kissed his grandchildren at a time in Arabia when such intimacy was not common. We learn from Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) that, "Allah's Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra' bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, "I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them." Allah's Apostle cast a look at him and said, "Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.""
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught to us bridge the gap through physical acts of intimacy and love. The young often feel intimidated by the old, authoritative members of their family or community. Perpetuating fear and feelings of intimidation only widens the generation gap because the youth will never get close enough to the elders to be comfortable, to be at ease, and to learn. And at the same time the elders will not have direct contact with the youth to grasp their generation's culture. Merely drawing in the youth through handshakes, embraces, and kisses reduces the physical distance and helps to minimize any feelings of fear or intimidation.
- 2) In another instance, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) gave authority to Khalid ibn Walid to command a unit sent to fight against the tribe of Bani Jadhima.[4] Khalid was much younger and had accepted Islam much later than most of the other companions but Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) deferred to Khalid because of his superior military skills.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) teaches us that just because one is older does not necessarily mean that one has the skills or the specific experience that will allow him or her to serve well in a particular position or situation. Quite often, youth are relegated to menial tasks and their input is never sought on matters of importance. Young people are agile, motivated, dynamic, and have sharp analytical skills which when tempered by the wisdom and the lived experience of the elders can yield powerful results in helping resolve whatever issues before us. Khalid ibn Walid, who before becoming a Muslim was an avowed enemy of Islam and a brilliant military strategist, will forever be in the history books because elder companions who had entered Islam long before him actually accepted him as their unit commander.
- 3) Allah's Apostle went to Fatima's house but did not find 'Ali there. So he asked, " Where is your cousin? " She replied, "There was something between us and he got angry with me and went out. He did not sleep (mid-day nap) in the house." Allah's Apostle asked a person to look for him. That person came and said, "O Allah's Apostle! He (Ali) is sleeping in the mosque." Allah's Apostle went there and 'Ali was lying down. His upper body cover had fallen down to one side of his body and he was covered with dust. Allah's Apostle started cleaning the dust from him saying: "Get up! O Aba Turab. Get up! O Aba Turab (literally means: O father of dust)."
Our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) showed that the interactions between the youth and the elders need not be dry, almost lifeless, filled with a false sense of awe that the youth are expected to show towards the elders. In the situation described above, at work are so many societal expectations of how cousins of different generations should interact, of how a son-in-law should interact with his father-in-law and above all, how a companion should interact with the Prophet (peace be upon him).
The wisdom of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is such that he diffuses a volatile situation involving essentially two youths, with humor. He does not sit in one place and demand that Sayyidna‘Ali be brought to him. He does not become upset with Fatima or ‘Ali for one upsetting the other as it was a mutual argument between spouses. Instead, the Prophet of Allah, the father of Fatima, the cousin of ‘Ali, the father-in-law of ‘Ali actually asks around for help in locating ‘Ali and then finds him sleeping in the mosque. In a joking manner, the Prophet refers to ‘Ali as "Abu Turab," or "Father of the dust," and lessens the tension of the moment drastically.
Among the lessons we can extract from these examples are bridging the generation gap is not only critical but it is a worthwhile endeavor.
Find Avenues of Respectability
When we look at such examples, we notice that when it comes to respect, either from the old to the young, or the young to the old, it is based on decent and moral behavior. The people who were worthy of respect were respected because morality was valued.
Some people are easy to love and respect because of their characteristics and behavior; while with others you have to dig a little deeper to find the goodness that may lie hidden under mounds of shyness, aggression, defensiveness, hostility, aloofness, or fear. But if you care to be patient and spend some time, you'll surely find that buried treasure that will enrich your lives.
The younger generation often finds itself at odds with the older generation, and every era is not without its generational divides and conflicts. This is true of us living in the present as it has been throughout human history, and there is nothing to suggest that things will change in the future. Perhaps it is human nature after all, for the young to stand above the old and to pronounce their judgment on the past and the way things were, dreaming aloud of how things could be otherwise - until, of course, the time comes when age makes us wiser and more humane, and we come to realize that one day we too will be judged by the restless heralds of the coming age.
Provide Good Training & Homely Atmosphere
Parents are the avenues through which children enter this world. In the words of poet, Khalil Gibran: "They come through you, but belong not to you." Parents are the first line of comfort and the last line of defense. Love, cherish, empower and nurture your children as best you can. We have the responsibility of nurturing and caring for them, to prepare them for life, to inculcate in them good character as
من ادب حسن ما ورَّث والدٌ ولدًا خيرٌ
the best thing a parent can provide for the benefit of a child is good moral training
as well as to be just and fair to them. Many children are deprived of true love, coming from homes where the important adults lack either emotional depth or emotional expressiveness.
- 2) In another instance, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) gave authority to Khalid ibn Walid to command a unit sent to fight against the tribe of Bani Jadhima.[4] Khalid was much younger and had accepted Islam much later than most of the other companions but Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) deferred to Khalid because of his superior military skills.
By: Br. Sadullah Khan
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